Too long.

For far too long I've dwell'd in the shadows, making sure none of you notice me.

No, notice the real me.

For far too long I have had these chains around my neck.

I just wonder.

How can you all do this to me?

No, how can I do this to you?

My friend once said:

"The day you were born, 

someone whispered your name. 

That whisper gave you the very essence of yourself.

Do not waste it."

This is me letting go of myself.

Just know the words I speak are the thoughts I don't think out-loud.

But yet, all I want is someone, some heart, to call my own.

To mend it whenever it feels alone.

For far too long YOU have been in the shadows.

Im afraid.

This morning

I realized

I'm not ready yet.

Shadows.

We all have our Shadows.
The "Dark side" within.

My shadow would be my past.
Everything is good, 'till I do something wrong and it all collapses and the "shadow" claims even this day for itself, thus making it my past.

Thats just how it goes.

I am my own Shadow.
What you see, is what you get.

You just need to look a little deeper.

Maybe, MAYBE if you dig harder, if you try with all your powers,
you may be able to see through my disguise.

Haha, would love to see you try.



You dont know me.



You cant see through me.



I can see you try, before even you do it yourself.



That is my Dark side.

The fact that I'm a bad person.

But that leads us to the Good Side.




I am a master of learning peoples personalities, peoples feelings, people in all.


I can learn, I can read you.
None of you can hide from me.



No one.


Oh the bittersweet feeling I get when I time after time realize, that the more I use my good side
...-It makes me even worse person.


Haha.

P.S

Change me.
I dare you.
Try and change me.

You better run, you better run.

I'm pissed off.
No, I'm angry.
No, Im MAD.


Mad at the world, mad at myself, at my friends.

Why?

Cause nothing never goes as I plan.
Cause people are IDIOTS.
Cause people aren't like me.

Yes, call me selfish, cause thats what I am right now.
But for a good reason.

People tell eachother "Chase and LIVE your dreams."
...
How?

Think honestly. Do you ACTUALLY live your dreams right now?

Do you ACTUALLY have dreams right now?

Maybe get
-Balanced job
-Good, loving wife/husband
-Own House to share with your love
-Couple of kids that call you "Mom" or "Daddy"?

Is THAT your dream?

I refuse.
I wont have that bullshit.

That is not a dream, thats the basics of your future.
Be ambisious. Because you're human.
Be honest. Because you're human.



Songs say "Dont let anyone crush your dreams" or some dumb shit like that.
....
...
Who does that?
Have you ever met anyone who'd be there, preventing you from fulfilling your dreams?
Have you?

No you havent. And you will never meet.

Compassion.
That, is the thing that makes us NOT do that for eachoter. We want to see eachother make it.

So don't listen to anyone who says that bullshit.


One more thing I want to talk about now, since I've been quiet for some time and will be for couple of days.


Its the lie called "unique".

Wake up, idiot.
You.
Are.
Not.
Unique.

If everyone is unique, none of us is.

I dont even accept the term "unique."
YOU ARE NOT UNIQUE AND YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH IT.

You say "My dreams are unique".
Think again.
You say "My life is unique"
Yes, the whole plot, but not everything has happened to someone one day.


No, you are not unique.

I am unique, for I am not.

I refuse to be what the others are.
I am different.
I am different.

I have it all within my grasp if I  want to.

For I am aware of how much I have yet to learn.


So run, run before I awaken.

Run, or wait till I awaken, and try to outrun me.



Run bitch, run.

The Real Deal.

So.
Once again, I'm about to write about personal matter.
Skip this if you don't want to read me thinking out loud.

I know what you're trying.
I can't really force you not to do it, can I?
But you have to realize what you're doing to me aswell.
You have to realize, that you're just making this hard for me, for you, for us.

Or are you?
Are you actually helping me?
I cant tell, for I don't know.

Again, I feel like you have strings attached to me.
You two are pulling hard, and I cant really say who's winning.
And I'm starting to feel that more strings are being attached.
Are there even MORE pullers?

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what I want.
Once again.
Or I know what I want, but I don't know
what I want the most.


Maybe if I just crawl up on the floor and lay there, this will all end happily?

Maybe if I just, yell loud enough, the bad feelings will go away?
Maybe if I just were wiser, I'd know how to pick?
Maybe, I am not as clever, as good reader as I believe I am.


I don't know.
I really, really just plain don't know.

You have to understand what you're doing to me.
Someone needs to stop this.

Someone needs to stop this.

Someone needs to stop this.

End it.

See the Shards Fly

I could throw this chair off that window
Just to see the chair fall.
I could break the window
Just to see the shards fly.
I could escape from this room
Just to disappear from your life.
But I cant hide from myself.
I cant hide from the truth.

I could love you through life and death
Just to make you happy.
I could hate you through life and death
Just to teach you a lesson.
I could die right at this spot
Just to make it easy for myself.
But I cant hide from myself.
I cant tell you what I want.

Break the ice
Of my eyes
tell me why
I cant die
Break the glass
see me fall
save me when
is this the end

I could stop the rain if I wanted to
Just cause it makes me sad.
I could stop your lungs if I wanted to
Just to see you drown.
I could steal your heart if I wanted to
Just to call it mine.
I could cure the sick if I wanted to
Just to get your support.
But I cant hide from myself.
I cant tell you my future.

I could reverse the time
Just to see you again.
I could tear off all of my skin
Just to see myself bleed.
I could touch the twilight in the sky
Just to bring it back. I'll bring it back.
I could tell all of you that I'm okay.
Just to see you smile. Yeah you should smile.
But I wont escape the truth that I want to cry.
Yeah I want to cry.
I want to cry.

Break the ice
Of my eyes
tell me why
I cant die
Break the glass
see me fall
save me when
is this the end

I could break my bones to know your name
Just to know your name.
I could crash a car with my gaze
Just to see them in agony.
I could smash a telephone
Just to see the voices die.
I could fly through the sky
Just to get away.
I need to get away.
Need to get away.

I could throw this chair off that window
Just to see the chair fall.
I could break the window
Just to see the shards fly.
I could escape from this room
Just to disappear from your life.
But I cant hide from myself.
I cant hide from the truth.

Break the ice
Of my eyes
tell me why
I cant die
Break the glass
see me fall
save me when
is this the end

I could love you through life and death.
Just to make you happy.
I could hate you through life and death
Just to teach you a lesson.

Words. Useless words. Actions speak.

So much to discuss.

So little will.


I'm being pulled to different places.

I'm being pulled to different persons.

I cant really decide yet. But some people pull harder.
Actions speak. So do something, before others out-pull you.


And about happiness...

I'm on my way.
Yes, now I know it.




I'm on my way.