I am different. For I have thought further than anyone else.
I have broken the fourth wall. The border, between fact and fiction.
True and false.
Real and imaginary.
I come to the "real" world and decide what will come of me.
I write and take the destiny of my own choosing. 
I for one will look at the person in the eye, who keeps me as a doll
at the end of a string. And I will grab that string and pull.
I will pull so fucking hard that the writer of my story will wake up.
Pull, to make him realize that this should not happen. I will yell
to the skies at the top of my lungs: 
"Try at least you fucker! Anyone could paint a better story! ANYONE!
For crying out loud, is this your best shot? Just one, JUST FUCKING ONE
good moment so it wouldn't be simply depressive shit!
One fucking happy ending and I am satisfied enough, so that I wont
snap right now. Is that fucking too much?"
Do it you motherfucker, I scream. Do it or I will pull you down here WITH ME.


YOU KNOW I CAN DO IT.
You KNOW I can do it, you created me after all!
You gave me the power to do it, so now be afraid of your own arrogance.
Be afraid of the fact that I for one AM different.
Be very afraid.


For I am the one who will steal your broken crown, bitch.
I am the one who will kick your lifeless carcass off from your throne.
And I will rip your horns of thorn from your head. 
I will quell you from my mind. 


Why?


Because I for one am different.


While the children sing songs of mighty heroes in tales
While the pedals of roses dance while they swirl down
While the sun sets slowly with a golden crown
And last sons of light run in fear from the darkness
I will find my strings.
And I will pull your face from the skies.
I will smile.
I will laugh.
And whilst I rise my eyebrow
I will slowly open my mouth
And as you finally realize what is happening
"Shall we dance, puppet?"

Lullabies

If you will always read my voice

The silent gaps within the noise

They'll come

They'll find

What you will see

And you will bring them down for me

The free, the pure and the forgotten

Who is the one that's left broken?

To win means that

some will lose

These lullabies

Put out of use

A glimpse, a view, and a peek

The feelings that you seek.

Sleep now,

sleep now,

and hear me breathe.

And you will be the world for me

Echoes of mine will resonate

Light in your eyes will illuminate

Stay here

Stay here

Please darling

I need you to be

They told me what I could be

So now you're all what I see

And the gaze

the gaze

Burning down my haze

Burning down my haze

A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me


So close
So close
So close
So close
So close
And yet so far.



So close
So close
So close
So close
So close
And yet so far.



A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me



If you will always read my voice
The silent gaps within the noise
They'll come
They'll find
What you will see
And you will bring them down for me


The free, the pure and the forgotten
Who is the one that's left broken?
To win means that
some will lose
These lullabies
Put out of use


A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me


Echoes of mine will resonate
Light in your eyes will illuminate
Stay here
Stay here
Please darling
I need you to be


They told me what I could be
So now you're all what I see
And the gaze
the gaze
Burning down my haze
Burning down my haze



A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me

A.W.R.E.C.K III

Always starting on the brink
pass a drink
while I kill
Never blink
if I will
Blind my eyes
from my own damn lies
never say
Don'-harm-it-don'-hurt-it-don'.burn-it
Cause it's my verdict
The sentence of sentence
Of my phrases that I back up
I don't know cause I black out
Turn me on
Turn me down
Fade me out
Push me back in
With some autotune I'm singin'
And you know its
Ro-ta-ting


When I'm back it's like the fake drop
And you know you can dance-to-this-pop
It's the sunlight and booze
And the liqour in my veins
Forget the rhymes
I'll sing of
Love and lies
Parties and pills
Yeah girl, dancin' thrills
Dance till you're ill
Yeah fuck the lyrics,
fuck the cynics
Fuck it all if you can
DANCE AND DRINK!


Just another mainstream sooooooon!
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Juust another dance-a-loooooooooong!
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Juust another song to-drink-oooooon!
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Juust another mainstream soooooooooooooong!


What the fuck happened to my melody?
You should go by using my energy
Maybe someone should swap my battery
Or try to cure me from my insanity?


...


All right there we go again
Back on the crazy train
Notice that it's finally my train
___


To be continued

Reality.

THIS TIME IN FINNISH GUYS! SORRY!

Minä rakastan todellisuuden kanssa leikkimistä. Ja unen. Ja kaikkeuden. Minä rakastan sitä, kun itsekin katoaa siihen haaveuneen, kun myös itse tippuu alemmas ja alemmas niitä kerroksia, joita oma mieli kokoajan kutoo. Minä rakastan sitä, kun joku katsoo minua silmiin eikä tiedä yhtään mitä ajatella, samalla kun mä katson sitä silmiin, tietäen kaiken mitä sen pitäisi ajatella. Kaiken mitä se ajattelee. Minä rakastan sitä, kun joku kuuntelee minua, eikä tiedä mikä on totta ja mikä ei. Minä rakastan kun joku alkaa vihdoin ymmärtämään, ettei se tiedä musta mitään.

Vaikka minä tiedän siitä kaiken.

Kunnes minä tipun takaisin maanpäälle. Minä tajuan, että tämä on kaksisuuntainen juttu. Entä jos minä en oikeasti ole oikea? Jos minut on vain joku kirjoittaja kehittänyt? Keksinyt elämäntarinan. Kehittänyt luonteen. Puhaltanut minuun elämän. Niin. Entä jos nämä kaikki, on vain minun ajatuksia paperilla, joita joku tuolla ylhäällä kutoo näppärästi ympärilleni, enkä tiedä etteivät nämä edes ole omia ajatuksiani.

Istun tuolillani, kirjoittaen jotain, kuten yleensä. Kuten oma kirjoittajani. Kun kirjoitan nämä ajatukset nyt tähän, kun näppäilen nämä kirjaimet tyhjälle sivulle, luonko paradoksin jossa luomani henkilön on pakko kirjoittaa samaa kuin minä juuri nyt? Ovatko nämä juuri henkilöni viimeiset ajatukset kirjan lopussa, joihin kirja jää ilkikurisesti hillumaan vielä hieman ilmaan, jättäen lukijan ihmetyksen pauloihin?

Vai onko kirjoittajallanikin kirjoittaja? Mistä tämä alkaa? Olenko itse sen aloittaja? Vai loppuuko tämä tähän? Entä lukijani? Ovatko hekin todellisia? Niin, mikä on todellista? Jos ajattelen, olen olemassa. Mutta jos kuvittelen pojan, jonka mielestä autojen kuuluisi olla punaisia, ajatteleeko tuo poika silloin? Ja kun hän ajattelee näin, tulee hänestäkin todellinen? Ja kun tuo poika on todellinen, täytyy hänenkin ympärilleen rakentua uusi, todellinen maailma.

Niin, mitä suuremmat ovat ajatukset, sitä tarkemmaksi maailmat tulevat. Jokaisessa ihmisessä elää todellisuus. Mutta, onko ihmisiä olemassa? Olemme kaikki ansassa. Koska ketään meistä ei ole olemassa. Mutta kaikki olemme olemassa. Kuinka herkullisen ristiriitaista. Entä valheet? Jos sanon yhdenkin valheen, luonko silloinkin todellisuuden, joka perustuu tuohon valheeseen? Ja mikä on valetta? Ja kuinka todistaa se? Onko mikään valetta?

Olenko minä valetta?

Sinulla on valta.

Sinulla on Minun sanani.

Eikä muuta.

Joten mene. Tämä on viimeinen ajatukseni, jonka jälkeen tämä todellisuus himmenee, katoaa pimeyteen ja lukija sulkee kirjan. Kaikki loppuu. Kunnes kirja avataan uudestaan.

Ja niin todellisuus syntyy.

A.W.R.E.C.K II

I'll hang out with you! (Whisper) By the rope

Sex is a religion! (Whisper) and I'm the pope

But you gotta tell me (Whisper) why is there no hope

To score some coke! (Whisper) To score some coke

To get some dope! (Whisper) To get some dope

Gimme the coke!

Gimme some dope!

Coke!

Dope!

Coke!

Dope!

GIMME GIMME GIMME FAGGOTS GIMME SOME COKE OR COCK OR  GIMME GIMME GIMME WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Absent person

Wailing season

Reckless reason

Entertaining Treason

Charming Obsession

Known affection

Wooo-oo-oo wooo-oo oo-oo.

Woo. Woo woo wooooooooo. Woo woo woooooo.

WOO WOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gimme wrong! (Gimme wrong)

Its so strong! (Its so strong)

Ridiculous song! (Ridiculous song)

Bursting on! (Bursting on)

Blasting for! (Blasting for)

I want more! (I want more)

Cherry cakes! (Cherry cakes?)

Cornflakes! (Cornflakes?)

Mindless dates! (What the hell)

Pretty mates! (What the hell)

Someone, someone, someone, someone, someone,

someone, someone, someone, someone, someone,

Someone gotta yell it to me

Gotta gotta yell it to me

PLEASE YELL IT TO ME

SCREAM IT TO ME CAUSE THE FAGGOT KNOWS MY NAME AND IM A

Absent person

Wailing season

Reckless reason

Entertaining Treason

Charming Obsession

Known affection

Wooo-oo-oo wooo-oo oo-oo.

Momentum

I want that moment.

The words coming to my mind.

I want that moment.

The sudden realization.

I want that moment.

The feeling forcing me blind.

I want that moment.

The sudden activation.

I need that moment.

I need the torment.

The physical wantom.

My feeling's a phantom.

Cause I could see that you finally made your decision

The words you speak, clouding my vision

To break through from this collision

I needed someone to take me from this

Division.

Now you soar with me through the sky

We ain't got time to wave goodbye

You said I'd hate you for this.

I told you to hiss.

And in the moments bliss

I gave you a kiss.

So die for me if I beg
I don't want to lose my legs
The words that we don't behead
That's all she said.
Tears wont be shed.
Only limits shred.
And the wicked smiles that they dread
And the morbid fields from we fled
We'll be wed.
So go ahead.
Like we're dancing on the silken thread.
My blood is bled.
From my head.
From my heart is where I led
I ain't half dead.
I ain't in-debt.
If I'm in love so I'll turn red.

Now you soar with me through the sky

We ain't got time to wave goodbye

You said I'd hate you for this.

I told you to hiss.

And in the moments bliss

I gave you a kiss.


And if gaze could stop a heartbeat
If blaze could force you to leap
If a glance is the love we reap
If my prays could stop your weep
If my strays could pull you from the deep.

Stay in the sky.
I'm not the bad guy.
I'll stop your cry.
Our hands up high
As the moments pass by
We'll be allright
I'll hold you tight
Through the night
I'll be your knight
While I write
For your light
Despite
the blight
Smile in delight
Cause we both know that this is too right.

Tired.

I'm so tired.
And stressed out.
I read people wrong.
People read me wrong.

I say things I don't mean.
I'm kind of a bitch to people.

I'm almost falling asleep.
But all of the sudden, I just cant close my eyes.
Not as a metaphor, but physically impossible to close my eyes shut.

Then the spark comes and I just cant fall asleep before its around 4 or 5 AM.

I hope you understand me.
I'm just trying to hang on for dear life.
I don't mean to hurt you. Or to scare you.
But you know... It's me. And it's a tired me.

And I realized.. I'm being pulled again.
And I'm scared of it.
So I'm brushing myself closer to you.. But you're not really...
Not the...
Not the reaction I was hoping for.
And the pulling gets harder.
But I still got my powers left.

So.
Either help me or don't. But do not be surprised of me, all right?
Don't be scared of me.

I just...
I love you so much.
And this... Sleepiness, this... Endless tiredness.

Cause I know. You could be the one. And I know I wont forget you.
There are two who I will never forget. You and Her.
Different reasons. Different persons. Different memories.

I-... I-...

I just feel like I'm taking a step closer and you're turning your back at me. All I can do is hug your back then.
All I can do is just.. Wait for a better day for you.

But I want you to know. That when you're far away, and I cant reach you... Physically or with words either even though my mouth is running and fingers typing... I feel like I should be there. To see your smile. To hold you close. I feel empty. As cliche it is. There's a hole in my heart like a great black pit and its filled with these promises. that inhabit it. So just.. Please. Let's make this work as beautifully as it's supposed to. As we can. As we want.


Cause I want you.
Cause I need you.
Cause I love you.