This time lets have a fun game. Let us pretend we're something we're not.
Lets pretend we're all alright. Lets smile whenever we meet in school or the streets we roam. Lets go home to that oh ever so loving family, asking how your day went?

Well how DID it?

Oh, it was awesome. Just what I needed.  Just what I wanted. I got everything I ever wanted. In a single day. And maybe even more. Maybe I already had it, for ages. Yes, that must be it. I've had my life under control since god knows when! I am more ALIVE THAN EVER. So thank you, whatever gave me this!

No? You don't believe me? Well, lets try another one.

Lets pretend I am more than happy. I'm on the top of my world. Let us say, that nothing could take this feeling from me. Yes.
"I am happy! I swear!" I promise, looking straight into your eyes. Would you smile and nod, agreeing and beginning a story of your own happiness?

Or would we rather stop pretending? Would you rather see through my lies?
And if you would
Would if be before or after I let you see them?
Would you be angry, when you realized it?

How we survive, is what makes us who we are. And thus life as well.
Life is what you make it.
I will make it into a mirror, just to break it. I hate my own reflection. I hate it. It is the manifestation of the other side of me. The other side of us all. The humane inhuman, so to speak. The perfect thing to blame for your own actions. It is part of you. Yes, indeed, there is no other side of the fucking coin. There is only one coin. Too bad if the corners are covered in mud or rust. Mine is burned to crusts fully, and?

Take responsibility for your actions. I will from now on. I am fine now with my weaknesses. If it helps you, then please, do as I do. There may be two sides of you. But it is still you. And you need to learn to control it.

But for heavens sake, take control of your life BUT KEEP IN MIND OF OTHERS. Yes of-mother-fucking-course you need to prioritize yourself over others but don't forget of them. 

And since we're at this, I got still things to say.
Peace of mind. Value it. Harness it.
Try to get as much of it if you can. If you're satisfied right now, then enjoy it. There is a motherfucking storm coming for you. Always is.  But when it comes, just try and survive through it. That is all there is to it. What else can you do? Chase shadows? Chase the reasons? Chase your future and seize it in the process? Well let me tell you something. It is right there. Under your nose. But can you grasp it? No. You cannot. Because you are not alone in this world. Life would be perfect, if it were designed by a single mind. You could see into your future, if you were that mind. But you are not. And that simple fact will take your little tranquility, and shred it to the tiniest of pieces, scatter them into the wind and laugh after.
Then you'll fall. Funny huh?
And as you fall, that small thought in your head will grow. It will leech everything out of you. Your health, your dreams, your mind, your success... Everything. But when its over... Oh yes. Oh yes.

I would give up on my dreams.
My health.
My mind.
My success.
My life.
Not my everything.

No, not my Everything.

Regards:
Everyone you've ever met. Everyone you'll ever meet. And Everyone you'll ever love.

Who would ever want to be king

Do tell me how does this Life work. Do tell me, that I am wrong.
Prove me, that God exists.
Prove me, He does not.

Prove me right, prove me wrong, I win anyways.

But let us speculate, if I am right. If I've always been.
If I really have lived through countless of lives, if I am capable of seeing through the disguise?
If I can see through the very fabric that lingers through your very skin, painting us new faces, new bodies, new eyes even? What if nothing physical remains from our former selves, but the very being that we always will be?

Call it a soul. Call it heart. Call it spirit. Call it person. Whatever one would like to call It, I say that it remains. Through the rifts of world as we depart from one to the another, it remains within us, for it is what ACTUALLY is you.

Mr A meets Mrs B. They fall in love. Their souls bond together and they grow old together, and as Death greets them like a humble servant, what if they are not cast to Heaven or Hell, Damnation or in the Stars, randomly back to Earth...

But after a brief moment, together back to the Earth, so that the Bond only reinforces and they will meet eventually?

Yes, I do believe in one Right person for you. Yes, I do believe that all of my loved ones, have been my loved ones in the past. What if the Stars in the Nightsky, are the Souls whom have died before their loved ones, awaiting for the their time to be cast back upon the ground we stand on?

Yes. I believe indeed that I've found many of my loved ones. And I thank whatever higher power controls this, God or Destiny, for allowing me to find them this quickly.

I am thankful for my weaknesses. I am thankful for my strengths. I am thankful for my loved ones. I am thankful for my enemies. I am thankful, for the course of actions, that has brought me here. The pieces of the puzzle appear to be on the table, but they do not fit in yet. They need time, to be shaped to be perfect, for there is only one kind of perfection.

General perfection, is Life's greatest treason. The one thing, that makes us push further and further, only to fall back. Yes, it is the one thing that cannot be reached, but to be attempted to. The true perfection, that actually does exist, is that which is between two or more, to a maximum, entities. 
Think of two clockwork gears. Even though they might be missing teeth or they might be rusty and whatnot else damage dealt to them, if they are in sync, work only together, they are "made" for each other, don't you agree? Same would go with people. All of their up and bad sides complete one another.

So, the pieces will come eventually together. Whenever the time is right. Until then, I still must bide my time, as I always have, haven't I? But no matter. I have time. I have it all within my grasp. 
I will have this all. I will have my life back. Even if it means giving up my dreams. Giving up my health. Giving up on my mind for the sake. I will have it back. Why?

Because it is the right thing.

Prove me wrong and fail miserably doing it.

I'm waiting.

Unyielding

Once upon a time I fell.
I fell from the skies, I fell till one couldn't fall anymore.
I fell from my heaven just to be greeted by my hell.
The light blinded me.
The fall paralyzed me.
The skies collapsed upon my helpless carcass, left me there in the ruins.

But I'm still here, am I not?

Once upon a time I said that even when everything else may collapse,
I will be there still, keeping you safe. We shall remain vigilant
and stand in the ruins, when the dust has settled.

But I didn't. Though neither did you fall.
But I'm still here, am I not?
Even if I'm blind, even if I cannot move.
I cannot speak.
I cannot scream from the top of my lungs for this agony inside of my bruised corpse.
But I can still hear you.
I can still hear, and feel you in the ruins. 
I can hear your troubled mind, boggling at the very thoughts it creates.

I can still hear that you are unsure.
I can still hear your voice. 

And do you know what?
One word and I'm back up, standing next to you.
One word and I can see once more.
I may be on my weakest, but at the same time, I am ready.
Ready to be stronger than ever.
I've learned. 
All this has made me strong.

So now I wait.
I await for that word.

Do not give in to anyone.

I am different. For I have thought further than anyone else.
I have broken the fourth wall. The border, between fact and fiction.
True and false.
Real and imaginary.
I come to the "real" world and decide what will come of me.
I write and take the destiny of my own choosing. 
I for one will look at the person in the eye, who keeps me as a doll
at the end of a string. And I will grab that string and pull.
I will pull so fucking hard that the writer of my story will wake up.
Pull, to make him realize that this should not happen. I will yell
to the skies at the top of my lungs: 
"Try at least you fucker! Anyone could paint a better story! ANYONE!
For crying out loud, is this your best shot? Just one, JUST FUCKING ONE
good moment so it wouldn't be simply depressive shit!
One fucking happy ending and I am satisfied enough, so that I wont
snap right now. Is that fucking too much?"
Do it you motherfucker, I scream. Do it or I will pull you down here WITH ME.


YOU KNOW I CAN DO IT.
You KNOW I can do it, you created me after all!
You gave me the power to do it, so now be afraid of your own arrogance.
Be afraid of the fact that I for one AM different.
Be very afraid.


For I am the one who will steal your broken crown, bitch.
I am the one who will kick your lifeless carcass off from your throne.
And I will rip your horns of thorn from your head. 
I will quell you from my mind. 


Why?


Because I for one am different.


While the children sing songs of mighty heroes in tales
While the pedals of roses dance while they swirl down
While the sun sets slowly with a golden crown
And last sons of light run in fear from the darkness
I will find my strings.
And I will pull your face from the skies.
I will smile.
I will laugh.
And whilst I rise my eyebrow
I will slowly open my mouth
And as you finally realize what is happening
"Shall we dance, puppet?"

Lullabies

If you will always read my voice

The silent gaps within the noise

They'll come

They'll find

What you will see

And you will bring them down for me

The free, the pure and the forgotten

Who is the one that's left broken?

To win means that

some will lose

These lullabies

Put out of use

A glimpse, a view, and a peek

The feelings that you seek.

Sleep now,

sleep now,

and hear me breathe.

And you will be the world for me

Echoes of mine will resonate

Light in your eyes will illuminate

Stay here

Stay here

Please darling

I need you to be

They told me what I could be

So now you're all what I see

And the gaze

the gaze

Burning down my haze

Burning down my haze

A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me


So close
So close
So close
So close
So close
And yet so far.



So close
So close
So close
So close
So close
And yet so far.



A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me



If you will always read my voice
The silent gaps within the noise
They'll come
They'll find
What you will see
And you will bring them down for me


The free, the pure and the forgotten
Who is the one that's left broken?
To win means that
some will lose
These lullabies
Put out of use


A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me


Echoes of mine will resonate
Light in your eyes will illuminate
Stay here
Stay here
Please darling
I need you to be


They told me what I could be
So now you're all what I see
And the gaze
the gaze
Burning down my haze
Burning down my haze



A glimpse, a view, and a peek
The feelings that you seek.
Sleep now,
sleep now,
and hear me breathe.
And you will be the world for me

A.W.R.E.C.K III

Always starting on the brink
pass a drink
while I kill
Never blink
if I will
Blind my eyes
from my own damn lies
never say
Don'-harm-it-don'-hurt-it-don'.burn-it
Cause it's my verdict
The sentence of sentence
Of my phrases that I back up
I don't know cause I black out
Turn me on
Turn me down
Fade me out
Push me back in
With some autotune I'm singin'
And you know its
Ro-ta-ting


When I'm back it's like the fake drop
And you know you can dance-to-this-pop
It's the sunlight and booze
And the liqour in my veins
Forget the rhymes
I'll sing of
Love and lies
Parties and pills
Yeah girl, dancin' thrills
Dance till you're ill
Yeah fuck the lyrics,
fuck the cynics
Fuck it all if you can
DANCE AND DRINK!


Just another mainstream sooooooon!
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Juust another dance-a-loooooooooong!
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Juust another song to-drink-oooooon!
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Juust another mainstream soooooooooooooong!


What the fuck happened to my melody?
You should go by using my energy
Maybe someone should swap my battery
Or try to cure me from my insanity?


...


All right there we go again
Back on the crazy train
Notice that it's finally my train
___


To be continued

Reality.

THIS TIME IN FINNISH GUYS! SORRY!

Minä rakastan todellisuuden kanssa leikkimistä. Ja unen. Ja kaikkeuden. Minä rakastan sitä, kun itsekin katoaa siihen haaveuneen, kun myös itse tippuu alemmas ja alemmas niitä kerroksia, joita oma mieli kokoajan kutoo. Minä rakastan sitä, kun joku katsoo minua silmiin eikä tiedä yhtään mitä ajatella, samalla kun mä katson sitä silmiin, tietäen kaiken mitä sen pitäisi ajatella. Kaiken mitä se ajattelee. Minä rakastan sitä, kun joku kuuntelee minua, eikä tiedä mikä on totta ja mikä ei. Minä rakastan kun joku alkaa vihdoin ymmärtämään, ettei se tiedä musta mitään.

Vaikka minä tiedän siitä kaiken.

Kunnes minä tipun takaisin maanpäälle. Minä tajuan, että tämä on kaksisuuntainen juttu. Entä jos minä en oikeasti ole oikea? Jos minut on vain joku kirjoittaja kehittänyt? Keksinyt elämäntarinan. Kehittänyt luonteen. Puhaltanut minuun elämän. Niin. Entä jos nämä kaikki, on vain minun ajatuksia paperilla, joita joku tuolla ylhäällä kutoo näppärästi ympärilleni, enkä tiedä etteivät nämä edes ole omia ajatuksiani.

Istun tuolillani, kirjoittaen jotain, kuten yleensä. Kuten oma kirjoittajani. Kun kirjoitan nämä ajatukset nyt tähän, kun näppäilen nämä kirjaimet tyhjälle sivulle, luonko paradoksin jossa luomani henkilön on pakko kirjoittaa samaa kuin minä juuri nyt? Ovatko nämä juuri henkilöni viimeiset ajatukset kirjan lopussa, joihin kirja jää ilkikurisesti hillumaan vielä hieman ilmaan, jättäen lukijan ihmetyksen pauloihin?

Vai onko kirjoittajallanikin kirjoittaja? Mistä tämä alkaa? Olenko itse sen aloittaja? Vai loppuuko tämä tähän? Entä lukijani? Ovatko hekin todellisia? Niin, mikä on todellista? Jos ajattelen, olen olemassa. Mutta jos kuvittelen pojan, jonka mielestä autojen kuuluisi olla punaisia, ajatteleeko tuo poika silloin? Ja kun hän ajattelee näin, tulee hänestäkin todellinen? Ja kun tuo poika on todellinen, täytyy hänenkin ympärilleen rakentua uusi, todellinen maailma.

Niin, mitä suuremmat ovat ajatukset, sitä tarkemmaksi maailmat tulevat. Jokaisessa ihmisessä elää todellisuus. Mutta, onko ihmisiä olemassa? Olemme kaikki ansassa. Koska ketään meistä ei ole olemassa. Mutta kaikki olemme olemassa. Kuinka herkullisen ristiriitaista. Entä valheet? Jos sanon yhdenkin valheen, luonko silloinkin todellisuuden, joka perustuu tuohon valheeseen? Ja mikä on valetta? Ja kuinka todistaa se? Onko mikään valetta?

Olenko minä valetta?

Sinulla on valta.

Sinulla on Minun sanani.

Eikä muuta.

Joten mene. Tämä on viimeinen ajatukseni, jonka jälkeen tämä todellisuus himmenee, katoaa pimeyteen ja lukija sulkee kirjan. Kaikki loppuu. Kunnes kirja avataan uudestaan.

Ja niin todellisuus syntyy.